“All of us have someone who is hidden in the bottom of the heart. When we think of him, we will feel like… uhmm… always feel a little pain inside. But we still want to keep him, even though I don’t know where he is today… what he is doing. But he is the one who makes me know this - a little thing called LOVE.”— from A Little Thing Called Love
No matter what nosebleed-inducing words, complex sentence structures, and figurative languages are used, some people actually refer to one thing in what they write or say. It’s the technique of expression that is different. You just have to read between the lines, have that listening ear, and use that analytic mind.
I have only had 2 hours of sleep since yesterday due to paperworks. Our group even had to skip lunch because we were dismissed from the ward at around 12:50pm. And they expect us to perform interventions optimally and within what has been taught as “ideal.”
Heck, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. Am I doing this for my patient? Am I doing this for the sake of passing? Am I doing this to kill myself slowly?
You know that feeling when you just lie on your bed, staring at the ceiling because you can’t sleep? Suddenly, all these things start running through your head that you wish for Sandman to hurry up and sprinkle those stardust on your eyes.
Scenes from the past don’t really pop up in my head anymore. It’s now more of the what ifs of my actions. If I tell this person I like him/her, what would happen next? If I share a story to this person, what would he/she say? Most of the time, these things usually pertain to how I would like to share a bit of myself to others - how I want to tell silly stories, share some of life’s lessons, and confess hidden feelings.
Those three things mentioned above aren’t really the easiest things to share. Friends - the best of them - can easily listen to these things as if they were experts in understanding who you really are.
For me, it’s really nice to talk to friends - new ones or old - and talk about something deep for a change. It’s quite refreshing, because you both learn something new, you come to know each other more, and you have given each other the timeless gift of a simple conversation.
Well, our duty at the Cancer Institute is finally over. It was a refreshing, yet emotionally intense experience, having encountered patients — gah, I can’t even finish this sentence without feeling a bit down.
Cancer is perhaps one of the most serious, severe, and morbid illnesses in the history of mankind. It’s like having this growing parasite inside your body, seeping all the nutrients that you have for yourself until you get frail. Once you’re at this state, you find yourself being prone to illnesses caused by germs and viruses. You feel tired easily. You can’t eat. You become bone-thin. You can’t sleep. You’re in pain,and you feel it all throughout your body.
I remember that phase I went through a few years ago, and somehow, I feel embarrassed for myself. I was blessed with this healthy body and yet I wanted to die, not realizing that there were persons out there doing their best in life, and yet the bony fingers of Disease have struck their lives dreadfully.
Somehow, I got myself inspired by my patient with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. Despite how serious his illness is, he still manages to smile, and even say, “Positive thinking lang yan.”
Yes, with this one-week experience, my choices of nursing specialty has increased by one. Choices so far include Neuro Nursing, Adult Health Nursing, Anes (Nurse Anesthetist), something about Hematology Nursing, and finally, Oncology Nursing.
You could be happy and I won’t know. But you weren’t happy the day I watched you go. And all the things that I wished I had not said are played on loops ‘till it’s madness in my head. Is it too late to remind you how we were?
Duty starts on Tuesday and I’ve got this heavy feeling that I’m not yet ready despite spending a few days reviewing our lectures this semester. This dreadful feeling… I don’t know what to do with this. Haha.
Tomorrow morning will be spent on buying supplies in Bambang with my friends, while the afternoon will be spent in some last minute reviewing.
My mind isn’t working enough to make a cohesive post anymore, so I’ll stop.
…is to take off this fake, ugly mask I’ve been wearing for some time now in school. I’ve been thinking about it since watching Easy A yesterday. Yeah, being bitchy and mean seems to be fun, but it does bring me a few problems, and others’ problems won’t be remedied by my this evil me.
Yep, Stephen Lloyd, you’re now back in town. Back to your old, silent, smiling, weak self. Scratch that weak part. That’s one thing I don’t want to be anymore. And do make sure of yourself that you don’t love him anymore, ok?
Actually… There’s nothing to be forgotten. Every pain, every joy, every ups and downs that you have cannot be removed from your memory. Its an unbreakable chain that you have to face for the rest of your life. It sinks down on you, transforming you — changing you. It’s your own choice how you take these things.
Don’t let yourself drown in the sea of negativity. A little dip would be fine, so you can reflect on those mistakes. Been there, done that. Now I’ve learned.
Yeah, farewell 2010 and those horrible nights that you made me cry. Thank you 2010 for giving me awesome friends who taught me how to stand and realize that what needs to be put to an end. Sorry 2010 for hurting people, but all of it I’ve done for a reason.